Geek Sh*t: How Google Can Make the Nexus Two a Success (If They Decide to Release One) (UPDATED)

(Me unboxing my Nexus One. Yes, I'm that geeky.)

Hello, my name is phive0phor, and I'm an Android fanboy. It started when I purchased a T-Mobile G1 in June of 2009, my first smartphone and the first Android phone. About a year later, I purchased a T-Mobile-compatible Nexus One, the official Google Phone. Yes, there are Android phones out there with more features and greater internal memory, but most of them have manufacturer-designed custom interfaces (which hampers the software-updating process), and carrier-installed bloatware, neither of which can be uninstalled without "rooting" (hacking) the device. Not that I haven't thought about rooting my Nexus; there are custom ROMs out there that could give my phone even greater functionality than it already has. But doing so would not only void my warranty, it could pose a security risk. Also, if I mess up one step in the ROM installation process, I could brick my almost $600 device. No, thanks.

Anyway, Google sells the Nexus One (only to Android developers now, but there are still a few places online where the general public can purchase one) carrier-unlocked, which means no bloatware/carrier restrictions. And it runs the "Vanilla" (stock) Android user interface, which I personally prefer. And - most important to me - the Nexus One is the first in line to get software updates from Google; we Nexus One users got our update to Android 2.2 (codenamed "Froyo") at least a month before EVO 4G owners did. And Samsung Galaxy S owners, as of this writing, are still waiting.

So to eliminate all of that, I think Google should go back on their word and release a Nexus Two phone. But I also think they should do a few things differently this time around. For example:

DITCH THE INTERNET-ONLY ADVERTISING CAMPAIGN. Maybe it was part of Google's strategy to attract the phone-nerds (like myself), because we were/are the only ones who actually read reviews and watch videos on sites like CNET and PhoneDog.Com. But the average user doesn't, so they need a strategy to attract them. I mean seriously, there are videos on YouTube that would have made excellent Super Bowl commercials, but instead of using that very important time slot to advertise the phone, they ran an ad for their search engine, something everyone already uses. Meanwhile, I can count the other people I've seen with Nexus Ones on one hand. Come on, now...

PUT IT IN STORES. The average user isn't willing to spend a butt-load of money for a phone they can't test out first. (Hell, I still can't believe I did it!) I understand the bypass-the-carrier concept behind the Google online phone store, but they could still achieve that goal if they sold it unlocked in stores like Best Buy and Radio Shack. And customers can try before they buy. And more would choose to buy. Win-win.

MAKE IT AVAILABLE TO ALL FOUR NATIONAL CELLULAR NETWORKS. Look, I happen to like T-Mobile, but not everyone does. And fewer people like AT&T. Verizon right now has the largest network, and Sprint has the best deals. So this time, Google should make sure there's a version available for each of the four major networks. That way, you can get it into as many hands as possible (thereby sticking it to the iPhone). Again, win-win.

Let me just say that I'm no marketing expert, and I don't expect anyone at Google to listen to these suggestions, or even read this blog. (Honestly, I'm surprised you're reading it.) But the Nexus One will reach the end of its life one of these days. And as an Android fan, I hope I'll be able to buy a true follow-up so I can continue to experience the operating system the way Google intended. And maybe, just maybe, they'll figure out a way to get it into the mainstream. My fingers are crossed...

UPDATE: Maybe, just maybe, my prayers have been answered...

Maybe the Professional Left Secretly Misses Bush

A few months ago, I posted a tweet that read, "Because if I don't, I shouldn't complain. And I love to complain. #WhyIVote". And the eight years of the Bush Administration gave me plenty to complain about. That's not to say the current administration is perfect - what administration is? - but Obama has given me fewer reasons to complain.

Unfortunately, too many pundits on the left seem to look for reasons to criticize Obama. For instance, when the President gave his post-Gulf oil spill speech, not only did Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews (among others) engage in senseless nit-picking, but the following night Rachel Maddow actually gave the speech she wished Obama had given. Can you imagine what Olbermann's Special Comment would have sounded like if Bill O'Reilly or Sean Hannity had pulled that kind of stunt?

And just last Friday, when Cenk Uygar (while guest-hosting The Dylan Ratigan Show) and Jane Hamsher took issue with a paragraph from remarks Obama gave at a Greenwich fundraiser (they said nothing about the rest of the speech, mind you), Armstrong Williams - Armstrong Fucking Williams! - was forced to defend the President. If that doesn't prove that the Professional Left (yeah, I said it!) has gone completely batshit, I don't know what does.

(By the way, I think Obama was talking about certain congressional Democrats and pundits, not his voters, as Cenk and the others would have you believe.)

But maybe there's a reason for all of this hackery, and there's only one that makes any sense to me: The Prefessional Left secretly - perhaps subconsciously - misses George W. Bush.

Allow me to explain. For eight years the Bush Administration gave the pundits (and quite honestly, most of the country) more than a few reasons to complain: A record deficit, an unjust war, torture, the outing of a C.I.A. agent, the botched response to Katrina - there's not a lot to like here, folks. And I think the Professional Left had grown so accustomed to an incompetent Commander-In-Chief, they haven't quite learned how to adjust to a competent one. Hence the constant bitching.

Look, I'm not saying the President shouldn't be criticized at all (I've already said that this administration wasn't perfect), but if you're going to do so, make sure your criticisms are warranted. Otherwise you run the risk of looking about as competent as a Fox News commentator. And seriously, who the fuck wants that?

(Special thanks to Humanity Critic for the sending me those last three links. Follow him on Twitter.)

The Listening: Bun B & DJ Premier, "Let 'Em Know"

I'll go 'head and admit it: I'm not exactly Bun B's biggest fan. I don't think he's garbage, I'm just not his biggest fan. But a funny thing happens when someone rhymes over a "Lord Premier" track - they automatically sound better.

Listen:



Now if only Nikki Minaj would enlist Premier...

On second thought, she doesn't need Premier, she needs Jesus.

The Listening: Guru's Story-Telling Skills Are Not to Be Slept On!

I don't know about you, but I consider myself a true Hip-Hop aficionado. And as a former DJ, one thing I hate is having my taste in music questioned. (No, I'm not this arrogant about anything else - certainly not my writing.) So when someone has something negative to say about a song or artist I like, or if they don't think an artist is as good as I think he/she is, I tend to take it rather personally. (This coming from someone who disses Lil Wayne like it's an Olympic event.)

OK, here's what happened: About three weeks ago on Twitter, a certain music critic dude you might have heard of (I'm not naming him here) decided to ask his followers who they thought the five greatest MCs were. Somewhere in the middle of the conversation, which I followed closely, a recording artist (not naming him, either) gave his top five favorite story-tellers in Hip-Hop; included on the list was Biggie, Scarface, and of course Slick Rick was at the top. So I decided to ask the music critic, "Am I the only one who thinks Guru's story-telling skills are slept on ('Just to Get a Rep', 'Soliloquy of Chaos', 'All For the Cash')?"

His response: "Yep."

Not the response I was looking for. Look, I realize Guru wasn't exactly Slick Rick, but if you don't think he was one of Hip-Hop's best story-tellers, then maybe you should give those tracks (plus a few others) another listen. That's where one of Blogspot's least-read bloggers comes in. (Six followers in my first year! Fuck with me now!)




"Just To Get A Rep"

From Step In The Arena







"Soliloquy Of Chaos"

From Daily Operation







"Sights In The City"

From Jazzmatazz Volume 1







"The Planet"

From Hard To Earn







"All 4 Tha Ca$h"

From Full Clip: A Decade Of Gang Starr







"Betrayal"

From Moment Of Truth







"Sabotage"

From The Ownerz

Credit is (Over)Due...

You see that blog description up there? I didn't come up with that on my own. It was actually the brainchild of one of my favorite tweeters, @mcwbr. You see, he recommended me for Follow Friday, and here's how he described my timeline:

#FF Follow Friday @phive0phor. Hip hop and acid sarcasm.less than a minute ago via webWiddershins Micawber
mcwbr

I should've given him credit for that a long time ago. (That tweet is actually from October, 2009. I don't know why it says "less than a minute ago".) Apologies to you, mcwbr. And thanks.

Oh, and check out his blog!

An Open Letter to Michael Steele

Dear Mr. Steele:

Wassup?! (Sorry. Couldn't resist.)

First, I guess I should offer some form of belated congratulations for being the first African-American to head the Republican National Committee. I've never intentionally voted Republican in my life (in the 2008 Election, I had to vote for a Republican judge because he was running unopposed), but you still made history - even though I believe you won the position mainly because America had just elected its first African-American President, and this was the RNC's way of saying "Yes we can, too!"

But that's not really the reason why I'm writing this letter. I'm writing in response to the recent comments you made to someone who asked if Black people had a reason to vote Republican. Yes, I know this is a rather old story, and we currently have bigger things to worry about, but this has been on my mind since I first read it:

Why should an African-American vote Republican?

"You really don't have a reason to, to be honest -- we haven't done a very good job of really giving you one. True? True."

A shocking comment coming from a Black Republican, but not quite as shocking as the following:

"We have lost sight of the historic, integral link between the party and African-Americans," Steele said. "This party was co-founded by blacks, among them Frederick Douglass. The Republican Party had a hand in forming the NAACP, and yet we have mistreated that relationship. People don't walk away from parties, Their parties walk away from them.

"For the last 40-plus years we had a 'Southern Strategy' that alienated many minority voters by focusing on the white male vote in the South. Well, guess what happened in 1992, folks, 'Bubba' went back home to the Democratic Party and voted for Bill Clinton."

Of course, "Jamal" has been voting Democratic for even longer.

Now I'm not suggesting that Democrats can't be racially insensitive - Remember some of the anti-Obama rhetoric from Hillary's camp during the Democratic primary? Or Harry Reid's now-infamous "negro dialect" gaffe? - but Republicans, for the most part, don't even pretend to pursue the Black vote. Hell, half of the 2008 front runners didn't even bother to show up for a debate at Morgan State University, a historically Black college. And the above "Southern Strategy" comment proves you believe, like most Black liberals believe, that the Republicans view the Black vote in the same way I view an iPad: It would be nice to have, but it's not something worth going out of the way to get.

So I have to ask you, Mr. Steele: Why would you continue to identify yourself with such a political party?

Sincerely,

phive0phor

P.S.: No, I'm not suggesting you become a Democrat - you're a bit too conservative - but becoming an Independent doesn't sound like a bad idea. Ask Charlie Crist.

The Listening: DJ Premier's Guru Tribute Mix

I know there are a lot of Guru tribute mixes out there - and every one I've heard so far has been dope - but as far as I'm concerned, this is the only one that matters.

Keith "Guru" Elam Tribute Mix by Dj Premier Blog Radio on Mixcloud

Keith "Guru" Elam, 1961 - 2010

(via djpremierblog.com)

Rachel Maddow, and Liz Cheney's Twisted Terror Logic

I've said it before: If there's one thing we know about the Republicans, it's the fact that they love to scare the living shit out of Americans. Almost from the moment Obama took office, Liz Cheney (along with her father Dick Cheney) has been milking the "Obama's not keeping us safe" meme for all it's worth. In the following clip from tonight's Rachel Maddow Show, Ms. Maddow takes Ms. Cheney's logic and turns it against her - and she kinda sorta gets herself in trouble for it.

WATCH:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

To My Patient Reader - Um, I Mean Readers

I know I haven't been updating this blog a lot lately, and I know at least one of you three readers are disappointed. I have been busy, and writer's block* has been plaguing me for months. All I can do is promise you that I will try my best to update this blog more often. And thank you for sticking around.


*I should've said "blogger's block". I don't consider myself a writer.

My Go-To Videos from 2009

Welcome to 2010! I don't know about you, but during a year full of Tea Bagging, townhall knuckleheads, AutoTuned hooks, and more celebrity deaths then I remember experiencing (especially during the summer), I needed a lot of cheering up. Thank God for the Interwebs. And thank God for the people who uploaded the following videos.

The Onion: Sony Releases Stupid Piece of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

This is the video that prompted Wil Weaton ("Wesley Crusher" from Star Trek: The Next Generation) to profess his love for the fake news site: "I love The Onion so much, I want to marry it." Me? I like 'em, but I ain't tryin' to put a ring on 'em.



Funny or Die: Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile

I don't keep up with celebrity gossip as much as a lot of other people, but in 2008, I couldn't turn on the news without hearing some mention of Lindsay Lohan's personal problems. Thankfully, she started 2009 off on the right foot by making fun of herself in this video.

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

The Rachel Maddow Show: InsaniTea

The next time a Tea Partier accuses you of using "Teabagger" as a derogatory term, remind them that they started it. The following clip will help prove your case.



The Political Carnival's Tweetspot: Sarah the Quitter

GottaLaff, from The Political Carnival Blog, has been doing her readers and Twitter folowers a huge favor: she follows Sarah Palin so we don't have to. Taken from her now-defunct series of radio segments called Tweetspots, She uses Palin's own tweets to make her listeners laugh ("Hence the name... Gotta...") - and she did this before William Shatner. Suck it, Kirk!



Funny or Die: Denise Richards' Funbags

Just... Just watch.

Denise Richards' Funbags from Denise Richards

Countdown with Keith Olbermann: Don't Call Me Liz!

I believe this was Olbermann's last "WTF!?!" segment, and that's probably because it was impossible to top.



The Daily Show: The 11/3 Project

As I said before, calling Glenn Beck "batshit crazy" wasn't good enough for Jon Stewart.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The 11/3 Project
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

BET 2009 Hip-Hop Awards: Cypher #3, featuring Mos Def, Black Thought, and Eminem

2009 was yet another great year for mediocre Hip-Hop. I only watched the 2009 BET Hip-Hop Awards for two reasons: 1) To talk shit about it on Twitter, and 2) to see the "Cypher" segments, since they're usually better than the entire show. This one in particular was probably the best ever. (Black Thought: "Rock-roller, bipolar like Phylis Hyman". Eminem: "I'm a fuckin' cross between Osama, Dahmer, Obama, and Dalai Lama".)