The Day the Word "Swagga" Jumped the Shark

There comes a time when words, phrases or gestures lose their coolness. When Paris Hilton, for example, trademarked the phrase "That's Hot", I knew it was time to stop using it - not because I feared a copyright infringement lawsuit, mind you (although part of me hopes Ms. Hilton didn't just become my third reader), it's just that when certain words go mainstream, they lose their impact.

Well, thanks to CNN's T.J. Holmes and (especially) Kira Phillips, we can now bury "swagga" in the slang graveyard.

WATCH:




At this point, I just hope CNN doesn't decide to air a special report called "Is It Still Trickin' If You Got It?"

Republicans, You're Making This Too Easy

Last night, I had an interesting confrontation with a fellow Twitter user over this "Tea Party" protest that Republicans and Conservatives are planning on April 15th. He had gotten angry with me for re-tweeting a post by another user featuring the above picture, which he called "crass". And you know what? It is pretty crass. But when Republicans and conservatives say things like this...



...Then you should expect Democrats and Liberals - especially Rachel Maddow and Ana Marie Cox - to have a little fun with it.



Bravo, ladies. Bravo.

The Listening: Lil Wayne, "Tie My Hands"

If you follow me on Twitter, or pay any attention to my MySpace status updates, you know one thing about me if nothing else: I am not a Lil Wayne fan (and I'm from New Orleans!). I've called his music "whack", and I've repeatedly said his skills are "criminally overrated". But like the old saying goes, "Even a broken clock is right twice a day".

Yes, I know the song is kinda old, but I didn't even pay it any attention until Wayne performed it at the 2009 Grammys a couple of months ago. And while it's not enough to turn me into a fan, it is enough to make me stop criticizing him.

For a while.

Don't Bother Blago... Yet

Did you hear what that guy said? Leave him alone "until he's convicted". Not unless, "until". I guess he really is someone who knows.

"Aren't you Dave Chappelle?": Celebrities People Say I Look Like

It happens at least once a month. I'll be at the supermarket, the laundromat, or a fast food restaurant - it's even happened at work - and out of nowhere some random person, usually female, will look at me and say a sentence that starts with my four least favorite words: "You look just like...!" What usually follows is a mad dash home from my errand, me dropping whatever I have with me at the front door, and running to the bathroom mirror to stare at it for 45 minutes or so while repeating, "I LOOK ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LIKE...!" - or, on the rarest of occasions, "Oh, OK. I see the resemblance".

Now sometimes I'm flattered by the comments ("Taye Diggs? Really?"); other times, well, not so much ("Jimmy Walker?! Man fuck you!"). Nevertheless, I'd like to present my readers - both of you - with a partial list of celebrities people have claimed I resemble. Enjoy the show.

DAVE CHAPPELLE. This is the one I get most frequently, and the one I take the least offense to. I certaintly don't mind getting "mistaken" for one of the most brilliant comedians out there, but it would be nicer if I had his talent - and bank account. Oh well, one can dream.

RAY NAGIN. Ah, Ray Nagin. The New Orleans mayor who made a multitude of mistakes in his response to Hurricane Katrina. The man who made those infamous "Chocolate City" comments. The man whose head is so damn shiny, it makes me want to buff mine with Turtle Wax. But my female friends back home have said that they find him attractive, so I guess looking like him isn't really a bad thing. Being like him, however, would suck.

RAKIM. Here's what happened: About four years ago I was at home practicing on my turntables. (I lost my equipment and record collection due to Katrina. But that's a whole 'nother blog.) I had the cover of Rakim's album, The Master, in view when my then-roommate's friend walked in to listen. She saw the cover, did a double-take, and said, "Oh, my God - I thought that was a picture of you!" So what if she was probably high when she said it? Being told I look like the greatest MC of all time was still flattering.

THAT BUFFOON FROM THOSE "JOE BOXER" COMMERCIALS. You remember Vaughn Lowery, don't you? He's the guy who gained 15 minutes of fame for shuffling around on national television while wearing nothing but drawers and a shit-eating, "Yessa, boss!" grin. He's also the grandson of Dr. Joseph E. Lowery, who co-founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) with Martin Luther King, Jr. I find that fact quite ironic, because whenever one of those 30-second minstrel shows aired, I'd swear I could hear the voices of all the men and women who fought and died for civil rights yell "AW, COME ON, MAN!" from their graves in unison. A woman - my sister-in-law, no less! - said I looked like him; if a guy had said it, I might have punched him. (Great. Now the civil rights leaders who preached non-violence are yelling at me from their graves.)

(Originally posted on MySpace on July 24, 2008)

I Playa Hate, Therefore I Am

I should be writing about a more serious matter.

It should have taken something like the election of our first African-American president to motivate me to post my first real blog since July. It should have taken a personal victory - as of today I have been sober for eight months and three weeks - to give me the inspiration I needed to finally sit down and speak to my faithful readers (both of you). But no, it isn't that serious - at least not to me. I wish everyone felt that way.

It all started on Twitter, a micro-blogging site where users post short messages ("tweets") for all of their friends ("followers") to see. (I shouldn't even have to explain this. Even if you don't have a Twitter profile, you've undoubtedly heard of it.) I signed up on Thanksgiving 2008; I've been hopelessly addicted ever since. Anyway, one of my good online friends, someone I "met" in 2006 by way of a Boondocks fan forum, also has a Twitter profile. (She also has profiles on other social networking sites, including MySpace.) Since we have always been able to build on a number of topics - music and politics in particular - following her tweets was a no-brainer. The favor was returned almost immediately.

Sometime last week, I "re-tweeted" a post by another user concerning what is now known as the "Un-follow Diddy" movement. I never even followed him, but when someone decides to diss the man I once called "the Agent Smith of Hip-Hop" so publicly, they'll get props from me in the form of a re-tweet. Well, my friend, who knows how fearless I am when it comes to criticizing those artists who I believe are hurting Hip-Hop (more on that later), didn't take kindly to the re-tweet. Not only did she tweet her dismay to the movement (both publicly and to me directly), not only did she start following Diddy "in spite of" the movement, she also stopped following me on Twitter and deleted herself from my MySpace friends list.

Really?

I've posted way more controversial tweets, but she decided to end a friendship over this?

SERIOUSLY?!

But you know what, I'm not going to resort to name-calling like I would if I was still a hopelessly loud drunkard. However, I would like to address one of the names I was called in her most recent MySpace blog - "Playa Hata" - and why I actually consider it a compliment.

I've been listening to Hip-Hop ever since I was eight years old. Throughout those 29 years of my life I've come to care for the art form as if it was a dear friend. And whenever I thought it was headed in the wrong direction, I said so fearlessly: When Vanilla Ice released "Ice Ice Baby", a lot of Hip-Hop fans (and artists) thought it was whack, and we said so publicly and fearlessly.

But sometime in the late 90s, whackness figured out a way to better market and promote itself, earning it more airplay and acceptance than ever before. It was also around that time that whackness coined a new phrase in an attempt to combat any criticism it encountered - player hater.

To most, a player hater is someone who doesn't have the success or possessions someone else has, and instead of trying to get it for himself, he jealously criticizes the other person for having it. (I actually agree with that definition.) But most whack rappers use the phrase toward any fan/artist who dared to criticize them for, well, being whack. And out of fear of being called a hater (as Black Star stated on "Hater Players", posted above), some fans and artists kept criticism of whackness to themselves.

I, however, never bit my tongue. And I never will. There are a whole bunch of rappers nowadays - Plies, Rick Ross, and 50 Cent, just to name a few - who I believe are criminally over-rated. There are trends - AutoTune, for example - that I think have long out-lived its usefulness (if it ever had any). The current lack of lyrical creativity is, in my opinion, destroying Hip-Hop. And I care too much about the music and culture to just sit back and say nothing. If that makes me a player hater, then so be it.

One final note: The sad irony is that the friend I lost always said I should blog more often.

Maybe I should thank her.