The Life and Times of DJ Calculus: The Prologue

Ever since I started this blog, I've been wondering if I should tell more of my personal stories instead of just sharing my opinions on certain things - like politics and the current state of mainstream Hip-Hop. ("You're A Jerk"? Seriously, people?) But then I realized something: My personal life simply isn't all that exciting. Sure, I could bore you to tears with "That's when I realized my shoestrings were un-tied" stories, but I'd like to keep the two readers I have, thank you.

However, there was a time when my life was almost too exciting.

If you've ever read my "Tell Us About Yourself" survey on my MySpace profile, follow me on Twitter, read one of my previous blogs, or know me personally, you already know that I used to be a DJ. Interesting times - times I spent spinning vinyl, dancing (yes, dancing), drinking way too much Budweiser, and trying to get laid (something you should never do after drinking way too much Budweiser). I can honestly say it was the time of my life, something worth writing about.

So let this serve as an advertisment of sorts for an upcoming series on my last five years in New Orleans, which were spent doing something I wanted to do since I saw Herbie Hancock and Grand Mixer D.ST. (now DXT) perform "Rockit" on SNL, when I was twelve or thirteen. I'll talk about everything from how I got started doing it, my favorite (and least favorite) gigs, and how some bitch named Katrina took it all away. Also, you'll hear some now-embarrassing tales of drunken mayhem (at least the ones I can remember - it was drunken mayhem, after all). Stay tuned...

(I should also mention that these blogs may be slow in coming. My life may be boring, but I'm still a busy guy.)

Now THIS is a "WTF?!" Moment!

Normally, whenever I post a video in my blog, it's preceded by some sort of commentary (a fact both of my readers are well aware of). But nothing I say about this video - from tonight's Countdown with Keith Olbermann - can do it any justice. You'll just have to watch:

...And In Other News, Hell Freezes Over

On Wednesday's edition of The O'Reilly Factor, Fox's resident douchebag himself accused CNN of undercovering the shooting of Army recruiter William Long. CNN's Rick Sanchez didn't take kindly to O'Reilly's, ahem, "misstatement", as seen in the following video:



Later on the Factor, O'Reilly does two things he almost never does: (1)He apologizes to CNN, and (2)he actually admits he was wrong!

WATCH:



You know what's amazing? Even as he admits his "mistake", O'Reilly still manages to get in a swipe at Sanchez. I guess anyone who proves him wrong is automatically "snide" and "surly".

O'Reilly promises a follow-up report on Monday. This should be interesting....

Examination of a Meme: Make That Money!

As a former DJ who considers himself "a Hip-Hop aficionado"; someone who doesn't take the art form lightly; someone who more than likely has better taste in music than you do (I'm just sayin'), it bothers me to hear fans defend today's music. I suppose I should get with the program and "stop hatin'" - I mean, things have changed, as they always do - but damn it, it's just not that easy for me.

Here's what happened: A few months ago on Twitter, I said that the Burger King commercial Darius Rucker did a few years ago led to the "downfall" of his career. (I know "Hootie" isn't a rapper, but you'll see where I'm going with this. Just bear with me.) I was half-joking, but minutes later, I get a reply from a troll Rucker fan who doesn't even follow me: "So you're saying it's not OK to do a commercial and get paid?" I responded, "No, but it's a bad commercial, in my opinion."

Earlier today, I saw all kinds of tweets in my timeline from people, mostly women, who were talking excitedly about Soulja Boy Tell'Em's appearance on the View. Now I didn't say anything, but I did re-tweet another user who basically said he wouldn't turn his television on since he knew Soulja Boy was going to be on it. Seconds later, a fan/defender says something to the effect of the following: "Stop Hatin'! He's making his money!"

See, that's what I'm talking about. Nowadays you can defend anything as long as you remind the naysayer of any financial gain. Lawyers could have a field day with this: "Yes, Your Honor, my client did indeed supply the drugs that caused the victim's overdose. But he should be found 'not guilty' because he did make money off of the deal. The prosecution is just hating."

The point I'm making is this: I can give you a list of reasons why I think Rakim is the greatest rapper ever, or why I affectionately refer to my favorite producer as "Lord Premier". But if you list any variation of "he's making his money!" as one of the reasons why you like a certain rapper, it will be almost impossible for me to consider you a true Hip-Hop fan. I'm just sayin'.

The Listening: A Few of My Mom's Favorite Songs

As of this writing, Mother's Day is just hours away. A joyous occasion for most of you, it's the day you show appreciation for the woman who gave you life by showering her with flowers, cards, gifts, and maybe by taking her out for lunch or dinner - or better yet, maybe you'll do the cooking. But it's not exactly the happiest day for me.

Because tomorrow is also the 18th anniversary of my mother's passing.

One thing I inherited from Mom is a love for music. She had quite a collection of 45s and albums that I wasn't even allowed to touch until I was about 12 or 13 years old. It was probably a good decision on her part; it was around that time when I learned how to scratch and cut, using the volume knob as a cross fader. I got an ass whipping every time she caught me doing it. (And you know what? I still wouldn't change a thing. I would go on to become a DJ from 2000 to 2005 partly because of it.)

My mom had little tolerance for the music of the 80's. She would always say things about music not sounding like it used to. I get a feeling that if she was still here, she would hate today's music even more. Lord knows I do (with a few exceptions). I swear, every time I complain aloud to no one in particular about songs that actually have the word "stanky" in the title, it reminds me of her complaining about songs with no singing in it. "It's not even music! 'Hip-hop, hippity-hip-hop'? What are they talking about?" (She did like a few rap songs, though. Three are included below.)

So if you'll indulge me, I would like to share a few of her favorite songs here. I think of her everytime I hear these (including "A Song for Momma", released a few years after her passing), and I know she is somewhere listening and smiling - and when appropriate, dancing.

I love you, Mom. (Monday, January 31, 1944 - Sunday, May 12, 1991)

Rachel Maddow, and the GOP's Fear Mongering

If there's one thing we know about the Republican Party, it's the fact that they love to scare the living shit out of the citizens of this nation. It's a fact that's certainly not lost on MSNBC's (and Air America's) Rachel Maddow, who not only criticizes the GOP's latest attempt to make us lose control of our excrement, but also shows the absurdity of that attempt through parody.

WATCH:

The Day the Word "Swagga" Jumped the Shark

There comes a time when words, phrases or gestures lose their coolness. When Paris Hilton, for example, trademarked the phrase "That's Hot", I knew it was time to stop using it - not because I feared a copyright infringement lawsuit, mind you (although part of me hopes Ms. Hilton didn't just become my third reader), it's just that when certain words go mainstream, they lose their impact.

Well, thanks to CNN's T.J. Holmes and (especially) Kira Phillips, we can now bury "swagga" in the slang graveyard.

WATCH:




At this point, I just hope CNN doesn't decide to air a special report called "Is It Still Trickin' If You Got It?"

Republicans, You're Making This Too Easy

Last night, I had an interesting confrontation with a fellow Twitter user over this "Tea Party" protest that Republicans and Conservatives are planning on April 15th. He had gotten angry with me for re-tweeting a post by another user featuring the above picture, which he called "crass". And you know what? It is pretty crass. But when Republicans and conservatives say things like this...



...Then you should expect Democrats and Liberals - especially Rachel Maddow and Ana Marie Cox - to have a little fun with it.



Bravo, ladies. Bravo.

The Listening: Lil Wayne, "Tie My Hands"

If you follow me on Twitter, or pay any attention to my MySpace status updates, you know one thing about me if nothing else: I am not a Lil Wayne fan (and I'm from New Orleans!). I've called his music "whack", and I've repeatedly said his skills are "criminally overrated". But like the old saying goes, "Even a broken clock is right twice a day".

Yes, I know the song is kinda old, but I didn't even pay it any attention until Wayne performed it at the 2009 Grammys a couple of months ago. And while it's not enough to turn me into a fan, it is enough to make me stop criticizing him.

For a while.

Don't Bother Blago... Yet

Did you hear what that guy said? Leave him alone "until he's convicted". Not unless, "until". I guess he really is someone who knows.