Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Credit is (Over)Due...

You see that blog description up there? I didn't come up with that on my own. It was actually the brainchild of one of my favorite tweeters, @mcwbr. You see, he recommended me for Follow Friday, and here's how he described my timeline:

#FF Follow Friday @phive0phor. Hip hop and acid sarcasm.less than a minute ago via web



I should've given him credit for that a long time ago. (That tweet is actually from October, 2009. I don't know why it says "less than a minute ago".) Apologies to you, mcwbr. And thanks.

Oh, and check out his blog!

Friday, April 30, 2010

An Open Letter to Michael Steele



Dear Mr. Steele:

Wassup?! (Sorry. Couldn't resist.)

First, I guess I should offer some form of belated congratulations for being the first African-American to head the Republican National Committee. I've never intentionally voted Republican in my life (in the 2008 Election, I had to vote for a Republican judge because he was running unopposed), but you still made history - even though I believe you won the position mainly because America had just elected its first African-American President, and this was the RNC's way of saying "Yes we can, too!"

But that's not really the reason why I'm writing this letter. I'm writing in response to the recent comments you made to someone who asked if Black people had a reason to vote Republican. Yes, I know this is a rather old story, and we currently have bigger things to worry about, but this has been on my mind since I first read it:

Why should an African-American vote Republican?

"You really don't have a reason to, to be honest -- we haven't done a very good job of really giving you one. True? True."


A shocking comment coming from a Black Republican, but not quite as shocking as the following:

"We have lost sight of the historic, integral link between the party and African-Americans," Steele said. "This party was co-founded by blacks, among them Frederick Douglass. The Republican Party had a hand in forming the NAACP, and yet we have mistreated that relationship. People don't walk away from parties, Their parties walk away from them.

"For the last 40-plus years we had a 'Southern Strategy' that alienated many minority voters by focusing on the white male vote in the South. Well, guess what happened in 1992, folks, 'Bubba' went back home to the Democratic Party and voted for Bill Clinton."


Of course, "Jamal" has been voting Democratic for even longer.

Now I'm not suggesting that Democrats can't be racially insensitive - Remember some of the anti-Obama rhetoric from Hillary's camp during the Democratic primary? Or Harry Reid's now-infamous "negro dialect" gaffe? - but Republicans, for the most part, don't even pretend to pursue the Black vote. Hell, half of the 2008 front runners didn't even bother to show up for a debate at Morgan State University, a historically Black college. And the above "Southern Strategy" comment proves you believe, like most Black liberals believe, that the Republicans view the Black vote in the same way I view an iPad: It would be nice to have, but it's not something worth going out of the way to get.

So I have to ask you, Mr. Steele: Why would you continue to identify yourself with such a political party?

Sincerely,

phive0phor

P.S.: No, I'm not suggesting you become a Democrat - you're a bit too conservative - but becoming an Independent doesn't sound like a bad idea. Ask Charlie Crist.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Listening: DJ Premier's Guru Tribute Mix

I know there are a lot of Guru tribute mixes out there - and every one I've heard so far has been dope - but as far as I'm concerned, this is the only one that matters.



Keith "Guru" Elam, 1961 - 2010

(via djpremierblog.com)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Rachel Maddow, and Liz Cheney's Twisted Terror Logic

I've said it before: If there's one thing we know about the Republicans, it's the fact that they love to scare the living shit out of Americans. Almost from the moment Obama took office, Liz Cheney (along with her father Dick Cheney) has been milking the "Obama's not keeping us safe" meme for all it's worth. In the following clip from tonight's Rachel Maddow Show, Ms. Maddow takes Ms. Cheney's logic and turns it against her - and she kinda sorta gets herself in trouble for it.

WATCH:

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Saturday, January 16, 2010

To My Patient Reader - Um, I Mean Readers



I know I haven't been updating this blog a lot lately, and I know at least one of you three readers are disappointed. I have been busy, and writer's block* has been plaguing me for months. All I can do is promise you that I will try my best to update this blog more often. And thank you for sticking around.


*I should've said "blogger's block". I don't consider myself a writer.

Friday, January 1, 2010

My Go-To Videos from 2009

Welcome to 2010! I don't know about you, but during a year full of Tea Bagging, townhall knuckleheads, AutoTuned hooks, and more celebrity deaths then I remember experiencing (especially during the summer), I needed a lot of cheering up. Thank God for the Interwebs. And thank God for the people who uploaded the following videos.

The Onion: Sony Releases Stupid Piece of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

This is the video that prompted Wil Weaton ("Wesley Crusher" from Star Trek: The Next Generation) to profess his love for the fake news site: "I love The Onion so much, I want to marry it." Me? I like 'em, but I ain't tryin' to put a ring on 'em.



Funny or Die: Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile

I don't keep up with celebrity gossip as much as a lot of other people, but in 2008, I couldn't turn on the news without hearing some mention of Lindsay Lohan's personal problems. Thankfully, she started 2009 off on the right foot by making fun of herself in this video.



The Rachel Maddow Show: InsaniTea

The next time a Tea Partier accuses you of using "Teabagger" as a derogatory term, remind them that they started it. The following clip will help prove your case.



The Political Carnival's Tweetspot: Sarah the Quitter

GottaLaff, from The Political Carnival Blog, has been doing her readers and Twitter folowers a huge favor: she follows Sarah Palin so we don't have to. Taken from her now-defunct series of radio segments called Tweetspots, She uses Palin's own tweets to make her listeners laugh ("Hence the name... Gotta...") - and she did this before William Shatner. Suck it, Kirk!



Funny or Die: Denise Richards' Funbags

Just... Just watch.



Countdown with Keith Olbermann: Don't Call Me Liz!

I believe this was Olbermann's last "WTF!?!" segment, and that's probably because it was impossible to top.



The Daily Show: The 11/3 Project

As I said before, calling Glenn Beck "batshit crazy" wasn't good enough for Jon Stewart.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The 11/3 Project
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealth Care Crisis


BET 2009 Hip-Hop Awards: Cypher #3, featuring Mos Def, Black Thought, and Eminem

2009 was yet another great year for mediocre Hip-Hop. I only watched the 2009 BET Hip-Hop Awards for two reasons: 1) To talk shit about it on Twitter, and 2) to see the "Cypher" segments, since they're usually better than the entire show. This one in particular was probably the best ever. (Black Thought: "Rock-roller, bipolar like Phylis Hyman". Eminem: "I'm a fuckin' cross between Osama, Dahmer, Obama, and Dalai Lama".)


Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Life and Times of DJ Calculus, Chapter One: Ambitions



(If you haven't already, you can check out the prologue here.)

I remember it like it was yesterday: when my oldest brother, an avid record collector at the time, came home with a copy of "The Adventures of Grandmaster Flash on the Wheels of Steel". It was one of the first times I had ever heard mixing, and the first time anyone had put out a record with scratching on it. I remember wondering what that sound was, thinking that Flash was intentionally moving the needle across the record (gimmie a break - I was eight years old). It's something I would have never tried, but I was still fascinated with the sound.

Some time later, my mom decided that she could trust me enough with the stereo equipment to actually let me play the records and not "let one of the older kids play it". (You can read about how my mom influenced my love of music here.) Maybe a year after that - I think I was twelve - my brother came home with Herbie Hancock's "Rockit", the song that brought scratching into the mainstream. I still didn't know how the sound was created until I saw Hancock and Grand Mixer D.ST. perform it on Saturday Night Live. My eyes were glued to the TV as D.ST. simply moved the record on the turntable back and forth, and I thought, That's all?!

That's when I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up.

I'm sure I wasn't the only aspiring DJ who used their mom's record player as a learning tool of sorts. She caught me several times scratching on it, usually with that copy of "Rockit". Yes, I was scolded, spanked, or otherwise punished everytime she caught me, but that didn't stop me. I had ambition, dammit! (Or maybe I was just hard-headed. Whatever.) Hell, I even went as far as giving myself a DJ name: Grand Mixer C. (I know, I know. But if you ask your favorite DJ about his/her first choice, they'll tell you something just as corny, if not more corny.)

As time went by, Hip-Hop became a major distraction - well, that and the Thriller album. I began to hear and see televised performances from groups who had DJs I would come to idolize: Will "Fresh Prince" Smith had DJ Jazzy Jeff, Run-DMC had Jam Master Jay, LL Cool J had Cut Creator - the list goes on and on. Even a neighbor of ours was a DJ! But it would still be years before I got to live out my dream (partly because said neighbor wouldn't allow me to touch his equipment, either. Damn).

Fast-forward a few years: Sometime in the late 90s, I met a DJ who had no problems letting me try my hand at mixing and scratching. I don't think I took the lessons too seriously because I didn't believe, after so much time had passed (I was now in my mid-20s), that I would actually become a DJ. After a few months, the lessons stopped for reasons I don't really remember.

May, 2000: I went out to this slightly-bigger-than-a-hole-in-the-wall bar in New Orleans called the Audubon Hotel on St. Charles, not far from Lee Circle. A pretty low-class joint (at the time) considering its location, but good for cheap drinks and real Hip-Hop. Anyway, after a burst of Budweiser-induced courage, I asked the DJ if I could spin a few joints, and for whatever reason - maybe he was in desperate need of a restroom break - he said yes. What followed was the sonic equivalent of your average DJ trying to mix while tumbling down a flight of stairs - or at least that's how I heard it. However, a few songs later, the DJ (who we'll refer to from here on out as "DJ True") walked up and asked, "How come you didn't ask me to get on before?" Maybe he heard a good set, or maybe he just heard potential.

Nevertheless, after that night, things changed.

NEXT: The Music and the Madness

Saturday, November 7, 2009

The Daily Show: "The 11/3 Project"

You can either call Glenn Beck "batshit crazy", or you can just show the world how batshit crazy he is by way of mockery. On Thursday's episode of The Daily Show, Jon Stewart opts for the latter.

WATCH:

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The 11/3 Project
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealth Care Crisis

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Yet Another "Guess What Happened on Twitter?" Blog




I'm sure you know by now that President Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize early yesterday morning. And if you're a political junkie like I am, you also know that not every American was happy about it, including a fellow Twitter user who decided to vent his frustrations by way of the site:

what the FUCK did Obama win a Nobel Peace Prize for??? SMH


I answered his question by linking to a New York Times article that quotes Thorbjørn Jagland, the chairman of the Norwegian Nobel Committee:

"Only very rarely has a person to the same extent as Obama captured the world's attention and given its people hope for a better future," Jagland said. "We are not awarding the prize for what may happen in the future, but for what he has done in the previous year. We would hope this will enhance what he is trying to do."


As I said to the other guy, "the headline speaks for itself".

Then he hit me with this one:

FUCK OBAMA!!! and his peace prize and anyone who dont know he's a puppet for international banking cartels...


So basically, fuck America.

I asked him if he had proof of those claims, and he linked me to The Obama Deception, a YouTube documentary by Alex Jones - a documentary full of lies and half-truths that can be easily debunked by anyone with access to Google and basic reading comprehension skills. (Yes, I watched it.) Anyway, after posting a link to a blog that debunks the movie, he continues to quote lies from it in a series of tweets:

he borrowed $800 BILLION at HUGE interest from the Fed Res bank (owned by int. banking cartels) that ints. is UNREGULATED!


you dont get out of debt by borrowing more money, that we pay back at unregulated interest. JFK wanted to abolish the Fed Res!


And my favorite:

he could have printed that stimulus money thru the National Treasury, at no additional cost to the American people.


If it were that easy, the Great Depression would never have happened.

Anyway, while he was tweeting, I found an even more thorough debunking of the documentary (31 pages long, with over 400 references), and this is the thanks I got:

wow, some shit blog just changed my life. Obama's not a puppet for the N.W.O. the Fed Res is good, Big Brother is love...SMH


Now, I know a "shit blog" when I write see one, and that wasn't it - not with all of the research that went into it. I doubt he even bothered to read past its title.

But we weren't done. I responded with this:

I know the feeling. Some shit YouTube documentary changed my life, too. Hell, at least I watched the thing, man!


He decided to declare himself the winner of the debate with this one:

you spell five and four with a PH...yeah, im done debating with you...keep following blindly : )


Said the pot to the kettle.

Oh, and he was quite proud of himself for that jab at my username - so proud that he re-tweeted his own tweet - and added the word "SWISH" behind it. Yeah, you really got me with that one, pal.

And I always know I've outdone someone when they have to resort to insults, anyway.

I won't reveal his username here, but I will say that it's way more difficult to pronounce than mine. Also, I clicked the link to his site, and it turns out that he's a(n aspiring?) rapper - which means he'll probably record a song about me.

But here's the good news: No one will hear it.