It happens at least once a month. I'll be at the supermarket, the laundromat, or a fast food restaurant - it's even happened at work - and out of nowhere some random person, usually female, will look at me and say a sentence that starts with my four least favorite words: "You look just like...!" What usually follows is a mad dash home from my errand, me dropping whatever I have with me at the front door, and running to the bathroom mirror to stare at it for 45 minutes or so while repeating, "I LOOK ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LIKE...!" - or, on the rarest of occasions, "Oh, OK. I see the resemblance".
Now sometimes I'm flattered by the comments ("Taye Diggs? Really?"); other times, well, not so much ("Jimmy Walker?! Man fuck you!"). Nevertheless, I'd like to present my readers - both of you - with a partial list of celebrities people have claimed I resemble. Enjoy the show.
DAVE CHAPPELLE. This is the one I get most frequently, and the one I take the least offense to. I certaintly don't mind getting "mistaken" for one of the most brilliant comedians out there, but it would be nicer if I had his talent - and bank account. Oh well, one can dream.
RAY NAGIN. Ah, Ray Nagin. The New Orleans mayor who made a multitude of mistakes in his response to Hurricane Katrina. The man who made those infamous "Chocolate City" comments. The man whose head is so damn shiny, it makes me want to buff mine with Turtle Wax. But my female friends back home have said that they find him attractive, so I guess looking like him isn't really a bad thing. Being like him, however, would suck.
RAKIM. Here's what happened: About four years ago I was at home practicing on my turntables. (I lost my equipment and record collection due to Katrina. But that's a whole 'nother blog.) I had the cover of Rakim's album, The Master, in view when my then-roommate's friend walked in to listen. She saw the cover, did a double-take, and said, "Oh, my God - I thought that was a picture of you!" So what if she was probably high when she said it? Being told I look like the greatest MC of all time was still flattering.
THAT BUFFOON FROM THOSE "JOE BOXER" COMMERCIALS. You remember Vaughn Lowery, don't you? He's the guy who gained 15 minutes of fame for shuffling around on national television while wearing nothing but drawers and a shit-eating, "Yessa, boss!" grin. He's also the grandson of Dr. Joseph E. Lowery, who co-founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC) with Martin Luther King, Jr. I find that fact quite ironic, because whenever one of those 30-second minstrel shows aired, I'd swear I could hear the voices of all the men and women who fought and died for civil rights yell "AW, COME ON, MAN!" from their graves in unison. A woman - my sister-in-law, no less! - said I looked like him; if a guy had said it, I might have punched him. (Great. Now the civil rights leaders who preached non-violence are yelling at me from their graves.)
(Originally posted on MySpace on July 24, 2008)
No comments:
Post a Comment